Ways to annoy, scare, confuse V characters
by poisonivy2115
Summary: I started watching V this year and really love it, so I thought I'd make a list for this show too ways to annoy Anna, and I'm still working on the other characters
1. Ways to annoy Anna

Ways to annoy, scare or confuse Anna

1. Tell her Erica is Fifth Column and has the been playing her from the first moment

2. Tell her Lisa is fifth column

3. Tell her you blew up her eggs. Run. Fast

4. Tell her Erica blew her eggs up while she wasn't looking

5. Ask her where she keeps her tail

6. Tell her she's turning blue

7. Ask her if she's part Smurf

8. Invite her to breakfast. Ask her if she likes her eggs fried or boiled

9. Be Joshua. Be unharmed

10. Ask her if she's related to Diana.

11. Eat Chad

12. When she confronts you about it, say: first come, first serve

13. Be John May. Be alive

14. Make an omelet out of her remaining eggs. Offer her some

15. While she sleeps, write John May lives all over her face with permanent marker

16. Tell her Lisa did it

17. Tell her Diana was scarier

18. Every time she says something, ask why

19. Tell her Marcus is planning a coup

20. Buy her an iguana. Tell her you found her long-lost aunt

21. Put Parker's research in her drink

22. When she gets sick, ask her if it's someone she ate

23. Offer her a bag of seaweed. When she opens it, tell her you found it in Parker's apartment and thought she'd like it

24. Ask her if she stared in Anaconda

25. Tell her that Chad and Marcus are getting married.

26. Tell her her tail is showing

27. Introduce the bliss-junkie visitors to marijuana. Proclaim yourself their new queen.

28. Tell her she failed the empathy test

29. Superglue John May posters all over her private chambers

30. Buy her a crocodile leather bag and matching boots. Ask her if they were related.

31. Tell her Marcus is in love with Hobbes.

32. Drop a house on her.

33. Through a bucket of water at her to see if she melts

34. When she demands an explanation, tell her it worked for Dorothy

35. Tell her John May is on the ship.

36. Program all the security cameras to show the message: "John May lives"

37. Paint the soldier's uniforms pink and cover them in glitter

38. Introduce the V computers to Trojan Win32 (I know it made my life hell)

39. Introduce the V workers to Solitaire

40. Tell her she and Godzilla would make a great pairing

41. Cut the heals off of all her pumps

42. Send the bliss-junkie Vs to rehab.

43. Introduce her to the plot of Alien

44. Compare her to the alien queen

45. Tell her Erica is Ellen Ripley

46. Tell her to beware of airlocks

47. Send her to parenting classes

48. Call the social services

49. Pretend to be a family counselor and offer your services

50. Tell Ryan she killed Val

50. Introduce her to the plot of Star Wars.

51. Compare her to emperor Palpatine ( you both manipulate, you both use mind control, in the end you both die a horrible dea… oups)

52. Call Ryan Anakin/Darth Vader

53. Call Valerie Padmei

54. Call the hybrid baby Luke

55. Tell her if the engine room can pass for a reactor shaft, things are looking bad for her.

56. Tell her Marcus is John May in disguise

57. After she skins him and realizes he's not, say: "my bad"

58. Buy her a stress ball

59. Put it in a glass case with an inscription that says: In case of John May, break glass.

60. Replace all V knives with plastic ones.

61. Offer her Erica's "lizard skin boots"

62. Every time she has a new plan , mouth "you're the boss, boss" or "it's your funeral"

63. Question every single one of her orders

64. Pretend to work for the BAU. Profile her as a deranged psychopath.

65. Tell her you think she eats her mates because of deep-seated daddy issues

66. Feed agent Malik to a crocodile (though I'm not sure who would eat who)

67. Accuse her of copying her grand plan from Independence Day

68. Replace the R6 compound with flu vaccine

69. Every time someone mentions John May's name, start singing the Lion King song: he lives in you, he lives in me, he watches over…

70. Ask her where number 6 is

71. Call her D'Anna or number 3

72. Convince the v soldiers to join the Peace Core

73. Practice hypnosis on the crew members

74. If John May turns out to be alive and is captured again, insist that he's too cute to kill (well, he is)

75. If she keeps showing off Blue Energy, insist she make: "join the dark side, we have disco lights" the new Visitor motto

76. Make the soundtrack of Snakes on a Plane the new Fifth Column anthem

77. When/if Joshua gets off the ship, make sure he leaves a message telling her to kiss him goodbye…

78. Lock her in a room with 30 alien tech related questions-asking Star Treck fans

79. Introduce the V workers to silly bandz


	2. Dale

Ways to annoy, scare or confuse Dale

Be Erica. Be unharmed

Tie him up and poke him with a stick. Repeatedly

If he complains about it, run screaming: "It's alive"

Ask him if he's related to the Ninja Turtles

Tell him Joshua said hello

Tell him Echo loves Paul. Wait. Wrong show

Get him drunk.

Get him married to a pineapple. An _ugly_ pineapple

Tie him up and make him watch "Bambi"

Encourage his wife to give him pet names

Suggest Daley-Waley

Frame him for Fifth Column attacks

Offer him as dissection material in a high school biology class.

Cut off his tail

Ask him if it grows back

Ask him if Barney the Dinosaur is his long lost twin

Ask him if he wants to join the Erica Evans fanclub

Ask him if et wants to call home

If he says yes, steal his comms device

Tell him his face fell off

Offer to duck tape it back on

Tie him up and mail him to Hobbes with a note saying: "reptile skin sells very well on the black market"

Convince his wife to yell after him in public: "don't forget to change your underwear, dear"

Tell him Erica said he drives like a girl

Read his diary

… aloud

… or just send it to Erica

Make him sing Hollaback girl

Brush your hair in his kitchen/food

Add hairs to his coffe

Tell him his ability to sustain great injury and live would make him a great cartoon bad guy

Every time he starts one of his "kill Erica" rants, compare him with Willie the coyote

… or to Muerte from Undercover Blues

Convince Erica to call him and say beep-beep

… or to call him Morty

Send his wife a recording of what he told Joshua about her

… and a list of divorce lawyer prices

… and a machine gun with the note : "much, much cheaper, and it contributes to a good cause"

… and let her know the V's clean up the bodies of their own, so it's less messier too

Send him to anger management classes


	3. Erica

Ways to annoy Erica

1. Sacrifice Tyler to a moon deity

2. Kidnap Jack

3. … and tell her Hobbes send him up to the spaceship.

4. … and make sure she can't reach Hobbes when she tries to punch him

5. Be Anna. Give her parenting advice

6. After she killed Dale/ blew up the eggs/ blew up the warehouse….,leave a message on her desk saying "I know what you did last night"

7. Tell her she was accidentally impregnated by the Vs and that Tyler is part lizard

8. Be Jack. Trust Chad

9. Be Dale. Be alive

10. Be Hobbes. Pretend to be an agent and sneak into the FBI. Talk to her boss. Get a promotion

11. Offer to sacrifice Tyler to the cause

12. Send Hobbes a Valentine's day card with her name on it. Make sure it has a lot of pink hearts

13. Ask her if she ever worked with Mulder and Scully

14. … and why she and Malik Are in charge of the x files now

15. … mention how cute a couple she and Krycek made

16. Offer to call the cast of Criminal Minds and CSI to help uncover the Fifth Column

17. Tell her the humans have now opened the doors to the church of v

18. … and they're worshiping an idol of Anna

19. … and her son was proclaimed high priestess

20. Tell her Hobbes has a poster of her naked in his bedroom

21. Mutter the words "girls can't box"

22. … then duck

23. Whenever you see her asleep in her chair, with her feet on the desk, (like she was in episode 7, while they were waiting for Joshua to contact them), scream in her ear.

24. … watch her loose her balance and fall

25. … and laugh loudly, then run

26. … or just tell her Hobbes did it

27. Whenever she's taking a shower, tell her Hobbes is in the house next door with binoculars

28. Tell plenty of blonde jokes

29. … or cop jokes

30. … preferably blond cop jokes

31. … or any joke that starts with a priest, a mercenary, a lizard, and a fed…

32. Keep reminding her that Jack is a priest

33. Ask her if she ever got off the island

34. Tell her the joke about that blond cop and the driver

35. Send her a box of doughnuts

36. Steal her gun, put it in an evidence bag, and tell her you picked it up at a crime scene

37. Send Paul a copy of her phone records


	4. Ryan

Ways to annoy, scare or confuse Ryan

1. Offer to return the baby to the zoo

2. Tell him his girlfriend has a baby lizard in her terrarium

3. Every time he attacks Hobbes, yell : "Oh, kiss him already"

4. Make him read Beauty and the Beast

5. Make him watch Shrek

6. Compare him and Val to the main characters of both stories

7. Ask him if males have claws too

8. Throw a white blanket over your head and pretend to be the ghost of John May

9. ...haunt him

10. Ask him if Anna is his ex

11. Ask him if he sheds skin all over the carpet

12. Call him Darth Vader

13. Ask him where his light saber is

14. Put a bear trap in his bed

15. Offer to contact Georgie or John May via séance

16. Use his head as a crystal ball

17. Attach his photo to Hobbes's knife throwing target

18. Ask him if Shrek Forever After is his auto biography

19. Follow him around with a boombox playing Michael Jackson's thriller

20. Follow him around with a camera. Insist that you're making a documentary for the discovery channel

21. Ask him what space diapers look like

22. Teach the baby how to smoke

23. … and swear in Visitor

24. Ask him if he bites

25. Even if he says no, buy him a muzzle and insist that he wears it.

26. Ask him if he's poisonous

27. Tell him Steve Irwing was looking for him

28. Introduce him to Ham Tyler


	5. Hobbes

Ways to annoy, scare or confuse Hobbes

1. Get him and Ryan drunk. Sneak Ryan in his bed

2. Take compromising pictures

3. Steal his weapons

4. Tell him Marcus has been stalking him

5. Call him Kylie

6. Ask him to sing Red Blooded Woman

7. Draw parallels between him and Severus Snape

8. Tell him the V's have now also framed him for 9/11

9. Shave his beard

10. Die his beard and moustache white

11. … call him Santa Clause

12. … and insist that he come down the chimney and bring you presents

13. Tie him up and mail him to the FBI headquarters

14. Tell him he's pregnant

15. Tell him Ryan is the father

16. Superglue wanted posters of him all over his hideout

17. Replace all of his clothes with convict clothes

18. Tell him they bring out the color in his eyes

19. Send him a harmonica for Christmas.

20. Superglue a picture of Paul Kendrick on the lenses of all his security cameras while he's in the bathroom

21. Install "You'll never take me alive, copper" as his ringtone

22. … or Prison Blues

23. Paint his weapons pink

24. Encourage him to annoy Erica

25. ... or tell her he gave Parker's research to Marcus

26. … but make sure to send her a stun gun first

27. Put superglue on the handles of his knives

28. Tell him his lady contact is a V

29. Ask him to sing Cellblock Tango

30. Make him take the V empathy test.

31. Tell him he failed

32. … and that his score was higher than Jack's

33. … and how you always knew he was a softie

34. Tell him his accent is fake (I love his accent)

I also added a few on Anna


End file.
